Ebook Ministering to Problem People in Your Church: What to Do With Well-Intentioned Dragons, by Marshall Shelley
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The editor of Leadership Journal offers practical, time-tested strategies for ministering and communicating love to the often well-meaning (but difficult) people in your church.
- Sales Rank: #68726 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Bethany House Publishers
- Published on: 2013-11-19
- Released on: 2013-11-19
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .47" w x 5.50" l, .57 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
Features
- Used Book in Good Condition
From the Back Cover
Do you face well-intentioned dragons?
Every church has them--sincere, well-meaning Christians who leave ulcers, strained relationships, and hard feelings in their wake. They don't intend to be hostile; they don't consciously plot destruction or breed discontent. But they often do undermine the ministry of the church and make pastors question their calling.
Ministering to Problem People in Your Church will guide you in dealing with these challenging people. Based on real-life accounts of battle-scarred veterans, this book helps you go beyond just tolerating problem people to limiting their damage and showing them God's love. You'll discover effective strategies to turn dissidents into disciples.
This time-tested book by the editor-in-chief of Christianity Today's Leadership Journal has new chapters on using social media and caring for those with mental illness. It will help you not only preserve your sanity (and maybe your job), but minister more effectively, even to those who make life difficult.
"Every church has them--sincere, well-meaning Christians who leave ulcers, strained relationships, and hard feelings in their wake. They don't intend to be hostile; they don't consciously plot destruction or breed discontent. But they often do undermine the ministry of the church and make pastors question their calling. Ministering to Problem People in Your Church will guide you in dealing with these challenging people. Based on real-life accounts of battle-scarred veterans, this book helps you go beyond just tolerating problem people to limiting their damage and showing them God's love." -DiscipleMagazine.com
"Every pastor and church leader would do well to read this book and have it at the ready."
The Baptist Standard
About the Author
Marshall Shelley is a vice president of Christianity Today International and the author of several books, including Helping Those Who Don't Want Help and The Leadership Secrets of Billy Graham. He holds a journalism degree from Bethel University in Minnes
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Dealing with God's Problem Children
By James R. V. Matichuk
The church is full of difficult people. Often they don’t mean to be divisive, but pastors have to navigate power plays from lay leaders or other people opposed to the minister’s ministry philosophy. Differences in theological convictions can lead to mistrust and questioning of pastoral motives. Sometimes lay leaders have convictions about how to deal strongly with sin in the congregation without seeing the full picture that the pastor sees in confidential counseling sessions. This often means that when ‘dragons’ act to nip a problem in the bud, they cause undue hurt and consternation. Author Marshall Shelley calls these problem people, “Well-intentioned Dragons.” After all they aren’t trying to make life hell for those around them, but the end up causing much pastoral anxiety.
Ministering to Problem People in the Church helps pastors diagnosis problem people, set appropriate boundaries, create a culture of active lay participation and healthy leadership and confront these ‘dragons’ where necessary. Ministering to Problem People in the Church was originally published as Well-Intentioned Dragons. I actually read the earlier edition of this book and found it helpful of understanding the dynamics of fallen people in church. New to this edition was a chapter on electronic communication which gives pastors some principles for communicating well in a world of texts, email and social media (and not compounding problems!). Also Shelley has a chapter on dealing with those struggling with mental illness in the church, which is sensitive to the dynamics of treatment and affirms the full personhood of those who struggle without demonizing them.
I think Shelley’s shorthand of ‘well-intentioned dragons’ for difficult congregants is problematic (these are fellow image-bearers not mythical beasts) but he offers sound advice on how to navigate troubled waters. Despite the shorthand label, he advocates attempt to approach dragons with respect and understanding, sensitive to their past wounds. He also doesn’t think we are in the business of slaying dragons, but of winning them back to the body of Christ (following Matthew 18). So despite the nomenclature, Shelley humanizes God’s problem children in the church.
Another concern one might have while reading this book is, ‘what if the pastor is the the problem?” Spiritual abuse and clergy misconduct are real issues but that is beyond the scope of this book. Shelley assumes that the pastor is attempting to lead God’s people well. I would hate for abusive pastors to label all their opponents as ‘dragons’ as a way of silencing them, but that would be to ignore most of Shelley’s advice. But if you assume that this book is written to help pastors lead healthy congregations (which it was), and follow Shelley’s advice for creating a healthy leadership culture, their is little cause for concern here.
Pastors and ministry leaders will find in Shelley’s helpful advice for shepherding God’s people, especially when they find themselves at loggerheads with those they seek to lead. This will be much more helpful to the ministry practitioner (its intended audience) than the general reader. I give this book four stars.
Thank you to Bethany House Publishers for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Facing the dragons in the church
By Books Reviewed
In every church there are people who either intentionally or unintentionally make the lives of pastors and leaders difficult. These people create problems in all sorts of ways, and this book goes along way to identifying the problems, the people, and methods pastors can use to manage these issues.
The book was previously published under the title “Well-intended Dragons”, and has been revised and updated to deal with modern issues and trends, particularly concerning social media.
It identifies these "problem people" or dragons as the book refers to them, as people having the best intentions, but they often leave behind the most negative impressions of people and church life.
Dragons unintentionally, but with the best intentions, undermine the ministry of the church and make pastors question their calling.
Based on real-life stories of battle-scarred veterans, Marshall Shelley presents a clear picture of God's love for those on both sides of the problem.
The issue of dragons in the church is not an isolated one. One American leadership journal has found d that 80% of churches have dragons, and pastors devote significant time and energy to dealing with difficult people.
Shelly begins with several stories of complex issues that affect the church, illustrating the issues, pastors that have handled the situation well, as well as those who have handled it poorly, costing them jobs, careers, and caused church splits.
The book identifies a dozen different types of dragons: From the ‘Bird Dog’, who identifies items that need the pastor’s attention or action; the ‘Wet Blanket’ who attempt to stop any new activity or action, spreading discontent and minimising any enthusiasm for any initiative.
There is the ‘Entrepreneur’ who aims to further his business interest by networking throughout the church, particularly with new people; as well as the ‘Drill Instructor’ who takes on the role of commander and steamrollers everyone into their way of thinking.
The ‘Anonymous Blogger’ raises suspicion and dissatisfaction through posting comments in the name of trying to save the church; The ‘Financial Fickler’ uses money to influence church decisions, by giving or withholding funds.
The ‘busybody’ who tells others how to do their job; the ‘Sniper’ who influences others from afar; the ‘Bookkeeper’who records the
incorrect actions and words of the pastor; the ‘Merchant of Muck’ who draws others in with stories of problems in the church; and the ‘Legalist’ who lists the absolute do and don’ts for the church and pastor.
Further Shelly explores what it is that makes up dragons. Dragons are those with strong emotions and passions about something,
and they cannot overcome their human nature. Once the descent begins, personal attacks come fast and furious.
Most importantly, Shelly provides strategies to deal with a range of conflicts and dragons in the church. He elaborates in detail on strategies including building of a positive atmosphere; maximizing serving opportunities for members to reduce armchair critics; promote the values of the church; ensuring the pastor has outside interests and sharing these with the church, creating trust, and building a healthy board.
The book deals with electronic media, social media, and the dreaded email criticism, and how to respond in each circumstance.
Mental illness is covered, which is rarely discussed in the church community, and ideas on how to deal with an outburst during a
service.
Power plays by influential church members are dealt with, with examples illustrating what pastors have done badly, and ideas that
have worked well. Power plays and manipulation often occurs from long standing members, or major financial contributors, which creates conflict in itself.
Shelly goes beyond identifying the issues, to providing ideas of improving church health prior to issues, so that when dragons appear, they have difficulty gaining power.
Shelly deals with what to do when criticisms appear valid, how we can test their validity and humbly learn from them. He reinforces the view that it is not surrendering, but serving. The book explores the options of open confrontation, forgiveness, restoring relationships, and facing the possibility that in some situations there may be an impasse that can not be resolved at all. Shelly provides strategies for taming dragons, through changing your view of them. By changing your perspective from lions to wounded lambs, you change the way you deal with the person and the situation.
As a leader, I was encouraged by the real stories and direct recounts from others in ministry. To discover that they are not the only ones feeling under attack, and dealing with people who are hurting badly, while being hurt themselves. It reminds us that ministry is not for the faint-hearted. The stories provide us signs that we can learn from in our own situations.
This is a book that I have purchased for myself, and reflect over when I see the beginnings of dragons emerge. I recommend it for anyone in leadership or some form of ministry. This may be the book that saves you from the brink of quitting.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Good resource for those in Church Leadership
By Built By Story
Ministering to Problem People in Your Church by Marshall Shelley
Every organization seems to have at least one or two people who mean well but still manage to cause emotional strains. These people do not usually intend to cause problems, but sometimes they can derail the organization and cause stress for those in leadership positions. In this book (an updated version of the formerly released Well-Intentioned Dragons), Marshall Shelley reaches out to Pastors who may be dealing with these sorts of people. Shelley likes to refer to these people as well-intentioned dragons.
Though I am not a pastor, I was intrigued by the idea of this book. I’ve spoken with people and have read books and blogs by those who have been hurt by their time in the church. Sometimes the hurt comes from the church’s teaching or leadership styles. However, I have heard more and more people talk about they were hurt by others who attended the church, by ‘well-intentioned dragons’ who didn’t realize that their actions and words caused deep wounds. Dealing with ‘dragons’ is not easy. Often our default response to conflict is to avoid it, especially within the church.
Instead of ignoring the problem, Shelley hopes to show pastor’s techniques they can use. Woven into the book are stories about other pastors (important details being changed to protect privacy). We can see what problems began to arise in the church and how the pastor dealt with it. In some cases there is reconciliation and both the pastor the dragon come to an understanding. There are also stories where relationships fracture and either the pastor or the dragon ends up leaving the church.
I appreciate how Shelley handled the stories. When writing about people who can cause dissent and problems, it can be easy to demonize them and attack them. Instead, Shelley tries to show why the dissent began as well as showing what the pastors did right or wrong. Indeed, some of the pastors only realized afterward that their response only contributed to the problem. The book gives suggestions to pastors on how to approach people, how to handle criticism, and how to come to understand the dragon’s point of view.
After finishing the book, I could see why it was ripe for reprinting. A chapter titled ‘Electronic Warfare’ is brand new to the book but is an important section. It shows pastors ways to react to inflammatory or negative posts online or through email. He cautions pastors on being too reactionary with electronic communication, especially because it is too easy to misread context in emails or blog postings.
I believe this book can be an excellent resource for not only pastors, but for those in leadership positions at other Christian organizations. Many of the stories can not only be relevant but informative. Shelley’s insights are strong and seem well grounded and I’m sure there are many conflicts which may be helped after a reading of this book.
4/5 stars
I received this book free from Bethany House Publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255
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